Saturday, January 24, 2015

How deep is your bravery buried?

Today I was texting with my lifelong friend, Paula and our conversation was about risk taking. She said to me,
Alone at my hotel

 'Yes, but you are brave and I am not.'

...when I read that, it stopped me and made me think...

I told her that she was brave too; her bravery was just buried a bit deeper within her than mine. I thought some more...

Monday, January 19, 2015

Outrunning Guilt; 4 Sober Years

Our action or inaction can set in motion a cascade of negative internal feelings; one of which is guilt.
In my experience, guilt is a currency used to pay for our transgressions and time determines when the debt is paid in full.

We feel guilty for as long as we are meant to in order to pay off the debt of our choices. The length of time we feel guilty is a measure of how significant the breech is. A slight misstep produces short lived guilt and the debt is paid but a trip and fall event will see guilty thoughts and feelings linger longer before the books are balanced.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Pace, Pride and Perseverance at STWM2014

"Don't judge each day by the harvest that you reap but by the seed that you plant."
~Robert Louis Stevenson

It's easy to feel small, even insignificant standing shoulder to shoulder with runners waiting to start a race that boasts 26,000 participants; that's a lot of bodies and nearly twice as many feet. For someone running their first race at the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon (STWM) the electricity in the air can stir up even more anxiety than is typical at a race start. Even those who find themselves repeating this event can feel like  small fish in a big sea. This event is loved by a lot of runners.
At the start...

I stood in my start corral, among these runners, as I did last year when I ran my first marathon. This year a few things were different though. The corral color was different, for one. I had trained my ass off under the watchful eye of my coach, Rejean Chiasson at Pace and Mind and as such had made huge improvements in my fitness and subsequent pace times. I had some confidence in my ability as this would be my third marathon in a year. The goal I had set of a sub 4 hr finish was lofty, but reachable if the formidable running gods found me in their favor. I stood knowing I  would run a massive personal best time even if I didn't cross the finish at 3:59:xx. Last year I debuted as a marathoner at this race in a time of 4:51:xx; with all the hard work I did over the season my time would be better than that. The most important thing that was different this time, though was that my friend of more than 35 years, Laurie Ruyter, stood along side me in that corral, readying herself for her first half marathon.

Monday, September 1, 2014

My Past Her Future


"You weren't around for the first eight years of my life"

She said these words at breakfast while reading the paper. The statement was born into the room with the same 'matter of fact-ness' as though she had just commented on the weather. Asperger's does this. She's about the straight up facts, not the emotions. She didn't lift her beautiful blue eyes from the page; to her, this was not shocking or scandalous, it was just her reality. She wasn't laying blame she was just pointing out the obvious.

Stronger

Stronger